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Post by Ab_Tails_Lvr on Sept 4, 2006 20:16:29 GMT -5
I'm looking out into the sky
White and Blue all around
It's all a blur; I can't see
because of what has happened
with you and me
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Post by Ab_Tails_Lvr on Sept 5, 2006 8:00:49 GMT -5
or maybe
I look out smiling
The wind against my skin
Is this how I'm really feeling?
Within myself?
It can't be, or I'd be lying to myself
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Post by Chiru Sotaki on Sept 6, 2006 19:53:21 GMT -5
i think the first ones better. id give it a 7/10 because personally i like long poems so short poems arent my thing [yes id count off for that this is my opinion] and because the second line needs to flow better.
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Post by Ab_Tails_Lvr on Sept 7, 2006 18:22:53 GMT -5
I'm looking out into the sky
Nothing seems just right
It's all a blur; I can't see
because of what has happened
with you and me
Maybe that works? o.O
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Post by Chiru Sotaki on Sept 8, 2006 7:32:42 GMT -5
yeah thats better. ^^ id give that one..... gee i dunno..... 8/10?
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Post by Ab_Tails_Lvr on Sept 9, 2006 7:42:19 GMT -5
yayz!
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